pull the trigger.

when i heard the song never had a dream come true by s club duing the concert. i broke into tears and i thought i was strong. with so much in my mind, crying was the only way i could to let it all go. i miss that Japanese girls. i miss them real bad. and cos of tx as well. this feels like crap. today's a shit day. everyone's sad. i've realized that if you said the word sad, or tell a person who is on the brink of tears not to cry, the person will start crying. do you know why? i dont know. HAHA :D anyway today is ok. kenny's friend is small, cute and matured looking. haha. i wanna go clubbing damnit. i'm going maria's place tomorrow. UGH. i dont feel like going cos i'm tired. but i want to go cos long time no talk and all. i need booze. but i'm scared i cant take it and get food poisoning AGAIN. :( dilemnas dilemnas. who know the answers to dilemnas.

awwwright.. this sucks but who cares. i'm so sad, distressed and all those what nots should nots. i miss the japanese students VERY VERY much. :( and when i saw the video montage and they featured them i felt damn sad. i'll blog later.

TA.

i wrote this post all on the Japanese students, but the internet explorer tried to be cool and screwed it up.

anyway, to sum up all i've said just now.

I MISS THE JAPANESE STUDENTS VERY MUCH.
with them, i dont need you.

and when they went back to japan on sunday night, it just tore me apart. and all those flashbacks i had of them. the things which happened that night like Haruko trying to tie this toy flower thing onto Mutsumi's neck. When Yuuki cried when i waved at her and she thinking i was saying goodbye and what i actually meant was hello. Mana bowing to Candice's parents. Yukika giving Tan Lin How this pillow with hearts on it. And it's all these little things which counts. They really do.

it's come to an end.

ok, the japanese girls have left already. i'm sure they are already flying up in the sky. :) they were such nice people, though i didnt get to know some them. it just felt sad to see them go especially, Mana, Yuuki and Yukika. Mana gave me a letter so did Yuuki and reading these 2 letters just breaks my heart. though i only know them for a week or so, my memories of them will forever me etched in my mind. I screwed up as well, i left mutsumi's letter at home, and i wrote her another there, i feel really bad and she didnt get the keropok as well. :(((((( i'm so sorry.. i didnt mean for something like that to happen. i just keep screwing up. and she's such a cute girl. i bet she wants to kill me or something. the scene at the airport was bad, i'll upload it real soon. everyone was bawling their eyes out. was a really sad sight. i'm so emo. but whatever

to the japanese girls:
though i only spent 1 week with ya'll but it felt so good being around you guys, from the 2nd day when we went to raffles place, and to chijmes and the merlion. the 3rd day when you all went to the night safari which i did not go to. then the 4th day where we all went to bugis. the 5th day the day we had our farewell party, we cried out hearts out. the 6th day when we went to escape and got ripped off. and today, though i didnt spend any time we any of you, i made brownies did what i felt i should have done. it satisfied me. and i thank every single one of you for being so nice and all. i wished i could have been half as nice.. and i love every single one of you. and i promise. i wont forget ya'll. :D

and with one swipe,
the blood fell.
with one wipe,
i wait for it to swell.

i cant take it anymore, i'm cracking. i'm breaking down inside i'm losing my mind. i'm confused. i'm shattered brokened and torn. however i try, i can't stop. i'm addicted.

RecoverYourLife, please save me..

how would you resolve this?

hahaha. i went out with the japanese girls today again. i had fun, went to town, met ravinder and all, broke down in front of them, showed them the message, maryanne got pissed became better went to cine to see the japanese girls hung out at the preview lounge then went to heeren to take neoprints. had a fun time went back to cine and hung around and talked till around 11.30 then left. got home before 12, now i'm doing the presents for the japanese girls. :)

they all told me to give up on you. they said you were playing with me, you dont know how much you broke my heart.

She's cold and she's cruel
But she knows what she's doin'
She pushed me in the pool
At our last school reunion
She laughs at my dreams
But I dream about her laughter
Strange as it seems
She's the one I'm after

Cause she's bittersweet
She knocks me off of my feet
And I can't help myself
I don't want anyone else
She's a mystery
She's too much for me
But I keep coming back for more
She's just the girl I'm looking for

She can't keep a secret
For more than an hour
She runs on one hundred proof attitude power
And the more she ignores me
The more I adore her
What can I do
I'd do anything for her

Cause she's bittersweet
She knocks me off of my feet
And I can't help myself
I don't want anyone else
She's a mystery
She's too much for me
But I keep coming back for more
She's just the girl I'm looking for

The way she sees it's me
On her caller I.D.
She won't pick up the phone
She'd rather be alone
But I can't give up just yet
Cause every word she's ever said
Still ringing in my head
Still ringing in my head

She's cold and she's cruel
But she knows what she's doin'
Knows just what to say
So my whole day is ruined

Cause she's bittersweet
She knocks me off of my feet
And I can't help myself
I don't want anyone else
She's a mystery
She's too much for me
But I keep coming back for more

Cause she's bittersweet
She knocks me off of my feet
And I can't help myself
I don't want anyone else
She's a mystery
She's too much for me
But I keep coming back for more
Oh, I keep coming back for more
She's just the girl I'm looking for

you dont know how quickly i change.

i cant get over you with a snap of the finger. after all, you dont matter to me like the way i dont matter to you. I DONT GIVE A FUCK ANYMORE YOU HEAR ME?! i figured i should stop wasting my time on you, i've had enough. although i have to admit i really really like you, but i'm really tired. i've tried so hard. I'M TOO FUCKING TIRED. i've shed too much tears and too much blood. they all think i'm insane to do such things for you, they say that you aren't worth my efforts and i've really had enough although i still want to be with you very much. i can't take it anymore. i'm breaking down inside, it's just that you dont know and you would never know. and i'll quickly get over cos i have small crushes for other people. ;P

ok i had the farewell party, and it was horrifyingly sad. everyone was crying. i have lots of photos, but i've to find a usb wire to upload it!! i have tiny crushes on yuki and muzumi. HAHAHA! and someone told me something interesting about the japanese girls. haha. after the farewell party we went to china town and we walked and walked and walked. and i'm so frigging tired.. i walked till i couldnt feel my feets. and i'm still tired. i want a digital camera. :D wait, i have one but it's sucky.. :( arghh. fuck. i've a new pimple!! and i'm really gonna miss those japanese girls when they go. i mean it. i dont want them to go.. :(

i'm crying cos, i miss you. even though i said all those things, i dont know why i still have feelings for you. to me, you're something different something special.

LOVE.

hello. today's tingxi's birthday. it's sucha wonderful day and she's such a wonderful girl. how can anyone not like her. :D i gave her, her present in a beautiful(HAHA) purple box. andwhen i was about to give it to her, i just stood in front of her and she gave a puppy look. OH FUCK. IT'S SO FUCKING CUTE. shit. there's something wrong with the spacebar of this laptop. wait. and she didnt want to take it and i almost wanted to cry. but in the end she took it. :D and she said thank you, i said thank you too. well i was sort off nervous and also happy that she took it therefore the thank you. DUH. i'm not some twit. wait, i'm. oh what the fuck. and school was ok. i saw that purple box on her table and that made me relieved la. lucky we're not having the homeroom system, if not she'd be carrying a purple box all over. haha! wait, that's out of point.. and after school was supposed to stay in school and go to science centre together with the japanese girls :) but anna chen decided on going to eat steamboat and so we were at foyer and i was waiting for tingxi to show up. she takes damn frigging long on thursdays. then anna chen walked away then i decided to go off also, then i saw her carrying that purple box and her mom and dad got out of the car. shit. i'm think i'm too obsessed. but i swear it made me so happy. sigh. oh yes, when i was walking to the foyer i passed her class then it was locked so i continued to walk then i was blowing my bubblegum. and it was so frigging hard then i raised my head to blow it(tingxi was walking pass) then anna was like, err yuck, your saliva. and tingxi smiled, well that's what anna said.. then during my p.e./recess. well miss ng took up our recess. and around 11.06 i saw tingxi walking to the canteen we were outside the technical block. then i was looking at joanne and rolling my eyes at her constantly and it was in tingxi's direction and mabel said she smiled at me. FUCKING HELL LA. JOANNE'S A FUCKING COW. GO DIE. DIEEEEEEEEEEE.

and we had fun with the japanese girls! i love them ok!! :D

abercrombie baby!

fuck man! i want this!

ravenous.

hehehe.
dad was talking about his golf game in the car. and he was saying that everyone told him he played very well.(he did play not bad) and that he thought he played well but he said he kept quiet and said no la. he didnt play very well. then i was like, dad dont lie. and we heard black eye peas singing that dont lie song.
now, is that a coincidence or is it THE SUPERNATURAL. ahahah

my sister is a cow. i'm downloading songs like crazy cos i need to la. ughh. i'm like drained of songs. i've listen to all my ipod songs at least 34890384093284902 times.

it's saturday and i feel fugged up. IT'S SATURDAY. SATURDAY! oh the horror. and clarissa quek doesnt want to talk to me anymore. i'm so sad.

no commodities.

i saw you looking at me, stealing glances at you.

/i've been watching your world from afar,
/i've been trying to be where you are
/and i've been secretly falling apart.



i wrote you a poem, somehow or another, i want you to know how i feel about you. 6 days more and it's your birthday. but what can i do? i want to give you this present i made over a few months. but, i guess you wouldnt take it. ack, one day will you message me to actually acknowledge that i exist? what you are doing's just breaking my heart cos cant you see, i'm just too in love with you.

] in love with blades of shear pain.

moved.

HEH

how can i be happy if i aint got you?
it's the weekend and i aint got you, i swear i'm dying and i'm curious about what's going on.
i'm so in love with you, though i dislike you. i miss you.

my fucking handphone. hurry come back!

ought to be.

ok. this is depressing, i think i've tried to hard, fallen to deep. everything's a mess and i'm losing my control. ahya.

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!

hiho diggidydoh! :D

WEIXUAN AND MY CONVERSATION

BANGLA QUEENS says:
hi gwen!
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
how are you>
BANGLA QUEENS says:
fine! yeah, but i have not studied you know! ca2 is like what? next monday?
BANGLA QUEENS says:
shrugs
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
ohhh.
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
yeah.. i forgot.
BANGLA QUEENS says:
hahaha
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
you're so hardworking eh?
BANGLA QUEENS says:
okay laa, its just that i dont wanna fail again! you know i failed like 4 subjects last term?
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
haha. that's like WAYYYY better than me.
BANGLA QUEENS says:
huh really
BANGLA QUEENS says:
anyway
BANGLA QUEENS says:
why do you sound so sad!
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
me?
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
i'm not sad.
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
i'm more of angry.
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
and cheated.
BANGLA QUEENS says:
okay complain
BANGLA QUEENS says:
if you want!
BANGLA QUEENS says:
ttx?
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
yeah.
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
i feel uhh. i dont know. i feel wasted.
BANGLA QUEENS says:
AIIYAAAAA!
BANGLA QUEENS says:
NEVERMIND LAA!
BANGLA QUEENS says:
WHATS BOTHERING YOU!
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
i dont know why i really like her.
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
i know she's quite pretty and she's got a nice body and stuff.
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
AHYA. i'm so fucked up.
BANGLA QUEENS says:
BUT THERE ARE ALSO OTHER REALLY PRETTY GIRLS WITH NICER BODIES AND STUFFFFS
BANGLA QUEENS says:
BETTER THAN HER
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
but i dont know why i like her.
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
and i tell you the truth ok.
BANGLA QUEENS says:
WELL THAT YOU CANT CONTROL LA
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
i'm jealous of lynette.
BANGLA QUEENS says:
NO LA,
BANGLA QUEENS says:
LYNETTE DOESNT EVEN LIKE HER
BANGLA QUEENS says:
AND YOU KNOW WHAT
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
but not in that sort of way that is.
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
but as in friends. they are ok already yes>
BANGLA QUEENS says:
YEAH
BANGLA QUEENS says:
BUT TAN TING XI IS ALWAYS TRYING TO MAKE YOU JEALOUS
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
of?
BANGLA QUEENS says:
WHATEVER MAN TAN TINGXI
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
huh?
BANGLA QUEENS says:
SHES JUST TRYING TO BOOST HER OWN IMAGE LIKE SHE'S SO DESIRABLEI HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
she's very desirable meh? well.. only to me that is.
BANGLA QUEENS says:
SHE ISNT ALL THAT GOODY GOODY WITH LYNETTE.
BANGLA QUEENS says:
YOU KNOW LYNNY TROLD ME THAT EVERYTIME IN FRONT OF YOU, SHE JUST ACTS LIKE THEY ARE LIKE REALLY CLOSE
BANGLA QUEENS says:
BUT THEY ARE SO NOT.
BANGLA QUEENS says:
TAN TINGXI IS JUST STIRRING TROUBLE
BANGLA QUEENS says:
DONT BE SAD AND DONT FEEL WASTED LA.
BANGLA QUEENS says:
ITS NORMAL YOU LIKE HER LA
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
huh?
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
ahya. both of them hates me.
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
BANGLA QUEENS says:
LYNETTE SO DOESNT
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
yes she does. i read her blog.
BANGLA QUEENS says:
SHES JUST LIKE THAT LAA
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
ah.. this is so shit.
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
ahh i never said she was a PL.
BANGLA QUEENS says:
YOU JUST TELL THAT TO HER
BANGLA QUEENS says:
I MEAN TELL HER THAT
BANGLA QUEENS says:
YOU'VE NEVER SAID SHE WAS A PL
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
i only said that tingxi likes her.
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
ahya. she would think i'm a motherfucking moron.
BANGLA QUEENS says:
NO LA
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
and the way she avoids me during recess.
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
ughh.
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
i think i've really screwed up..
BANGLA QUEENS says:
YOU KNOW WHAT
BANGLA QUEENS says:
I THINK THAT TTX IS LIKE SOOOO... I DUNNO./
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
uh huhh..
BANGLA QUEENS says:
I FEEL LIKE BASHING HER UP NOW
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
why?
BANGLA QUEENS says:
I DUNNO
BANGLA QUEENS says:
I JUST FEEL LIKE
BANGLA QUEENS says:
PULLING HER HAIR
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
maria wanted to scold her this morning.
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
ahyo. her hair already so little. dont pull out la!
BANGLA QUEENS says:
I JUST WANNA SLAP HER FOR EVERYTHING.
BANGLA QUEENS says:
UGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
you know. i sec1 i used to think she's damn cool and all.
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
in*

We couldn't find a webcam. Make sure that your webcam is plugged in. If you don't have a webcam, go here to buy one.

BANGLA QUEENS says:
YEAH I KNOW
BANGLA QUEENS says:
UGH I AM SO PISSED AT HER NOW
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
you all are always so pissed at her..
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
dont you find her one bit pitiful?
BANGLA QUEENS says:
I DO
BANGLA QUEENS says:
BUT YOU KNOW WHATY
BANGLA QUEENS says:
*WHAT
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
what?
BANGLA QUEENS says:
SHES LIKE PISSING ME OFF, NOT DIRECTLY BUT YOU KNOW, YOU ALL ARE ALWAYS COMPLAINING ABOUT HER
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
me?? MEEE??
BANGLA QUEENS says:
SO YOU EXPECT ME TO LIKE HER AND SMILEY SNMILE AT HER
BANGLA QUEENS says:
NOT YOU
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
chermin?
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
beatrice?
BANGLA QUEENS says:
BUT YOURE ALWAYS SAD AND THEN SHES ALWAYS PISSING MY WHOLE CLIQUE I HEAR YOU ALL COMPLAINING
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
i'm not always sad. i'm always happy!
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
so you are actually ok with her?
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
but cos your clique keeps complaining. then you get pissed of?
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
you mean you all still complain about her?
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
do you know she told me that she and lynette are ok already>
BANGLA QUEENS says:
WE DONT
BANGLA QUEENS says:
BUT YOU KNOW YOU ARE ALWAYS SAD
BANGLA QUEENS says:
SO WE JUST GOT ANGRY THAT SHES ALWAYS CREATING TROUBLE
BANGLA QUEENS says:
I CANT BE BOTHERED ABOUT HER
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
but i'm always happy!
BANGLA QUEENS says:
I MEAN LIKE I DONT HAVE ENOUGH TROUBLES? I DONT WANT THIS IDIOT TO ADD MORE TROUBLE
BANGLA QUEENS says:
YEAH RIGHT GWEN!
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
I AM!!
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
I REALLY AM!!
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
have you seen me sad?! NO RIGHT?!?!?!
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
uhhh. you all really really really dont like her eh? SIGH she leads a very sad life, and she seems to be only close to her sisters.
BANGLA QUEENS says:
OKAY OKAY FINE
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
can i show you something?
BANGLA QUEENS says:
HER PICTURE?
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
no la..
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
something else.
BANGLA QUEENS says:
OKAY!
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. sends:
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
i find it sexy.
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:

Sending of "Image003.jpg" to BANGLA QUEENS has failed.

BANGLA QUEENS says:
FAILED!
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
i send again.
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. sends:

Sending of "Image003.jpg" to BANGLA QUEENS has failed.

I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
sheesh.
BANGLA QUEENS says:
FAILED!
BANGLA QUEENS says:
HAHA
BANGLA QUEENS says:
WHAT ISSIT!
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
i show you online.
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
http://photobucket.com/albums/v94/gwennie03/?action=view¤t=Image003.jpg
BANGLA QUEENS says:
TSSSSKKK!
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
?
BANGLA QUEENS says:
TSK
BANGLA QUEENS says:
\HAIYAAA!
BANGLA QUEENS says:
THOUGHT IT WAS SOMETHING HAPPY!
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
it's happy wht?
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
it makes me happy!
BANGLA QUEENS says:
ITS NOT A HAPPY THING FOR MEE!
BANGLA QUEENS says:
OKAY ACTUALLY ITS FINE LA
BANGLA QUEENS says:
BUT
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
ohh. yeah. you hate her.
BANGLA QUEENS says:
I THOUGHT THAT IT WOULD BE SOME FUNNY THINGY
BANGLA QUEENS says:
NO I DONT HATE HER
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
funny things i dont have.
BANGLA QUEENS says:
I JUST HAVE ENOUGH OF HER
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
but if you want disgusting.
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
sick.
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
my pride and joy i have.
BANGLA QUEENS says:
AHHH NEVERMIN!
BANGLA QUEENS says:
*NEVERMIND!
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
i've got jokes.
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
ahh. fuck. i saw a violin.
BANGLA QUEENS says:
HAHA OKAY!
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
http://www.zenhex.com/jokes.php?joke=5514
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
that's a joke.
BANGLA QUEENS says:
AHHAHAHA!
BANGLA QUEENS says:
THE ONE ABOUT THE SUPERMAN THING IS FUNNY
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
haha
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
I'VE GOT MORE.
BANGLA QUEENS says:
AND THE SLEEP AID!
BANGLA QUEENS says:
HAHA!
BANGLA QUEENS says:
ITS OKAY LA
BANGLA QUEENS says:
I GOTTA GO SOON ANYWAY!
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
hahahahaha
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
yeahh!
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
http://www.zenhex.com/jokes.php?joke=6262
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
last one, this is short.
BANGLA QUEENS says:
AHAHHAHAHAA!
BANGLA QUEENS says:
BUT I DONT GET THE LAST ONE
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
hahahaha~
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
as in the employees are supposed to wash the persons hands.
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
but the person ended up washing his/her own hand.
BANGLA QUEENS says:
orrhh! hahaha!
BANGLA QUEENS says:
my gosh!
BANGLA QUEENS says:
that really cheered me up abit!
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
BANGLA QUEENS says:
okay, gwen! i gotta go yes! thanks!
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
glad to be of help!
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
ok!
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
seeyha
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
dont be sad!!
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
BANGLA QUEENS says:
LOVE!
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:
loves!
BANGLA QUEENS says:
; )
I HATE YOU. I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU. says:

i like cows.

i've sewn my hand. and i like it very much. i feel very sexy.

You wonder why I cut,
and why I feel so bad.
You ask me why im angry,
and always so sad.
You wonder all these things,
but dont stop to hear what I say.
you never ever think,
that im simply not okay.

I lied for you,
I cried for you,
I emotionally died for you.

I bled for you,
bumped heads for you,
I felt completely dead for you.

Id kill for you, hated life still cos of you,
I'll make time stand still for you.

I'll break for you,
I ache cause of you,
I'll take all I can take from you.
I was there for you, I'll always be there for you,
If you just cared....for me.

I'd cry,
I'd die,
I'd lie,
for you.
I'd kill,
I'd die,
and i'll make it alright,
for you.
I'd write,
I'd fight,
I'd recite,
this poem for you.
If there,
was one time,
You cared

I'm sick of writting about your goofy smile,
and crying alone by myself for a while.
I hate the way you use people for your needs,
then act like nothing when they greive.
That face you make when you flirt,
then you treat the person like dirt.
You never think before you act,
you say hurtful things and wish you could take them back.
Even though it seems crazy I love the smile on your face.
Instead of the frown, your grin's in replace.
I love how you act like i'm the only one worth talking to,
and the way you flirt and things you do.
Everything bad came from everything good.
It happened how I suspected it would.
I hate so many things that you do,but more than all of that I love you.

I talk to you, and you talk to me.
Then I guess it's time to share my feelings.
I think of you as more than a friend,
but im afraid you'll leave me in the end.
Dont run away and dont be scared,
I just like you so much and I just care.
I love being with you and spending some time,
just please let me know if you'll be mine.

We have our little talks for a while,
you always end up making me smile.
We'll say how we're going to meet,
like something in life could be that sweet.
I know I'll never be in your presence,
we know that just the way it is.
I only converse with you for a moment,
it seems like you never have time don't it?
I hope you dont avoid on purpose,
because you dont realize how much you mean to me.

I'd kiss you,
I wish for you,
Always miss you,
my bliss with you.

I'll live hard for you,
I gave my heart to you,
I'll go far for you,
I wish on a star for you.

Write 1000 things for you,
sing for you,
do anything for you,
I tried understanding you.

I stayed alive for you,
always cry for you,
always wanted to be beside you,
I'D DIE FOR YOU.

Believe in what you want to,
Say what you feel is right.
Do what you think you got to do,
if something's worth fighting for, fight.
Have your own beliefs,
But If you get over opinonated,
Then anger takes a peak,
and fights get escalated.
Express when you feel you should.
Say what you think is fair.
Try not to get missunderstood,
because everything else is downhill from there.
You mess up one word,
one sentence,
one time.
People blow it way out of line.
If everyone wasn't so stuborn,then things woulden't be so difficult.
Then maybe people could learn,
but I guess we'll never know.

I wonder if you know im trying.
I wonder if you heard im crying.
I wonder if you saw me dying.

I'd pray for help, If I could.
I'd pray only if there was a God I would.
I'll pray for us because I know I should.

I hope you see I love you,
I hope you realize what I'll go through.
I hope you care for me too,
I hope you understand you're all I have to lose.

It's Difficult to know,
that I'm all alone.
It's hard fighting on my own.

It's agonizing to have to be strong.
It's painful to try when I slacked off all along.
It's lonely singing my solo song.

It's not easy to keep my tears hid.
It's sad saying I didn't cry when I did.
It's upsetting to hurt people on accident.

It's frustrating to cry, when happy I was.
It's shameful to know, im not what you though of.
It's depressing to pursue my dream to be loved.

It's hard waking up to a world that's so cold.
It's difficult being in a family where they put you on hold.
It agonizing to have friends who think you're self absorbed.
It's painful to cry and have people just abhor.
It's stressful to understand you're loosing a loved one.
It's Beautiful to know someday, you'll be saved by someone.

Its been getting too hard to keep going,
looking into the mirror as tears go on flowing.
Waking up everyday hoping things will change,
kept here as the empty feeling remains.
Trying to convince those who I care for,
that im okay and dont need their worries no more.
Things in life are tough,but I have had enough.
Hurting myself and others around.
Keeping pain inside not making a sound.
Nothing good will happen unless I allow it too,
so I am admiting I need help to make it through.
But please dont worry about me I'll make it,
I'll never do what I did before I promise.

This cut's... for you.
For all the lies you told,
and the hearts you turned cold.
For the blood you made me drip,
and the tears you let fall.
The times I took another sip,
and didn't care at all.

This cut's...for you.
For your conceded ways,
in my dying days.
The way you lowered my self esteem.
For saying things you think you didn't mean.
Acting foolish,as if im clueless.

This cut's...for you.
For yelling things that hurt so bad.
Taking my mood and making me more mad.
Hitting me to knock some sense in.
Making me more crazy than I already am.
Saying you love me when you know you dont.
Thinking I'll get better while the truth is I wont.

This cut's...for you.
Breaking my heart,leaving me to rot.
Letting me fall apart.
Loosing the little I got.
Taking my love and turning it to hate.
Filling my mind where I can't concentrate.
Another cut...for you.

I wish you were here,so you could see this pretty sunset.
Its almost as beautiful as you.
You would like it,
it matches your eyes so perfectly.

I wish you were here,
so you could see this pretty sunset.
Its almost as beautiful as you.

I wish you were here.
You would like this beautiful sunrise,
I wish I had a camera,
to freeze this moment forever.

Its just not as beautiful without you.
I wish you were here,
to see this river flow.

To see it may have made your eyes glow.
Please come here,and see it move like wind.
I just need to look at you,
to know I've reached heaven.





As the sun begins to fade
And I walk through a glade
I remember you

As I lay alone at night
And out goes the light
I dream of you
As I try to be steady
And always be ready
I think of you

As I sit at school
I feel like a fool
I need you

As I see you in my mind
I begin to find
I want you
As I cry and weep
I haven't had much sleep
I miss you

As I go to sit
I cry more than a little bit
I love you

Please try and listen, and please understand.
I want to tell you how I feel but I don't know if I can.
You told me so many things that I never knew.
And everything you said drew me closer to you.
I care about you strongly and I hope you know.
No matter how hard stuff gets I'll never let you go.
I'm here to help you anytime anyday.
I'm always willing to listen
Forever and always.

slowly, everything is falling apart. Maybe that confrontation was not necessary. i'm losing you too. ohh fuck, i've tendencies to say things which are not neccesary. whatever it is, i hope one day when i cut myself again, subconciously i'll cut myself too deep and die. i'm just 15 and i'm already like that. i haven't any idea why i've become so screwed constantly thinking of death/ways to end my life. it's so uncalled for. i wished that THIS person would talk to me again, you used to be quite close and we would talk about nonsense. but ever since i started liking THAT person i've screwed everything up. you know, i give up so much for THAT person. but i'd give up more to be what we were like last year. THIS person doesnt talk to me, she calls me a daughternovabitch. ok it's fine with me cos i dont give that much a fuck to name calling and sorts. wait, i do i think i do. but i'm really sorry for all i've caused and if one day we could be friends again tell me, i'll do anything to be there for you.

have you ever wondered why you cant be what everyone wants you to be?
have you ever wondered why is it always your fault?
have you ever wondered why you can never be what you want to be?

i've always thought about it. i've realized one thing. i'm just not cut out to be in this world. i cant handle the stress i cant take the pressure; i figured i should do the right thing and not carry on to destroy the world.

ok. everything's a fucking joke.
this stinks. i feel murderous. right now.

i've gotta take a few steps back. i'm feeling really down and out. i'm drained but i'm still on a temporary high. it's like i want you so bad. but i know i cant have you. you will never love me. ahya. fuck. it has always been YOU. i sumpah. even when i look at your photos. it makes me SO happy. ahh. fuck it. i need to think about what i've been doing how i've been feeling. i need a diary to pen my most personal thoughts. you know i dont know why i feel like this. why i want so much from you. maybe i'm just dreaming or maybe i've always had false hopes of you and me being together one day. i dream of you at night. sometimes it's good sometimes it's bad. i dreamt that i was your maid. i dreamt that we went to obs and were in the same watch. i dream that you and me were best friends. oh wells. even if we were just best friends i'd be happy already. i keep reminiscing bout you in march and april. although we have talked more in july and sorts. ahya. fuck it. fuck it. FUCK IT. anyway. i've no idea what i'm saying.

if you want to try.

"....before you make that first cut remember. You will enjoy this.
You will find the blood and pain release addictive.
Even though you think you can make a few tiny cuts that aren't deep and will heal easily...
They will get deeper. They will scar. They will take sometimes months to heal. And years for the scars to fade.
IF you think you can limit the cutting to one area of your body think again... it will spread when you run out of skin.
Be prepared to withdraw from others and live in a constant state of shame.
Even if you are the most honest person ever to live... you will find yourself lying to the people you love.
You will jerk back from your friends when they touch you as if their hands were dipped in poison.
You will be terrified that they will feel something under the cloth of your shirt or because it just plain hurts so much to be touched.
Be prepared to get so out of control you fear your next cut because you don't know how bad it will be.
Just wait for 10 cuts to turn into 100....
Be prepared for your entire life to revolve around thinking about cutting ..cutting and covering up cutting.
And just wait till that first time you cut "too deep."
And you freak out because the blood won't stop... and you are gaping.... and you feel yourself shaking all over.
You are having a panic attack and you are terrified but you can't tell anyone.
So you sit there alone... Praying it will be ok, swearing you'll never let it go this far again...
But you will, and further.
You will start looking at everyone in a different way...
Scanning their bodies for any signs of SI... just hoping that you might meet someone like you so you don't feel so terribly alone.
You wont even think about it .. as your eyes scan their wrists & arms... hoping just hoping they will be like you.... But they are not.
You will see their clean arms and feel terribly ashamed and alone.
You will start doing a lot of things alone. You will always have to wash your laundry in private so know one sees the blood stains on your clothes and towels. You will always be cleaning up the blood.. Scrubbing your bathroom floor... wiping the blood of your keyboard...
You won't be able to make it through a day without cutting.... Next thing you know you are in a public bathroom somewhere breaking open a scab with a sewing needle that you keep in your wallet for emergancies.
When you get really desperate anything will be a cutting tool ...scissors...a car key...a needle ... a paperclip..even a pen.
Doesn't matter what it is if you need to cut bad enough you will find something.
Say goodbye to things you took for granted. Like wearing shorts or sandals...pedicures...sleeveless tops. A normal summer day at the beach or in a swimming pool will become a far off memory for you.
Get ready to itch. Beacuase you will itch and itch ..."so much you will look like you have fleas or a skin disease."
You will become an expert on your body as you destroy it carefully.. You will dream about cutting... you will dream about being exposed.
It will haunt you day and night and take over your life. You will wish you never made that first cut because while you absolutely HATE cutting... at the same time you love it and can not live with out it... "

my solemn regret.

i regret saying all that. i mean i guess i'm just over sensitive and all that.
after all has been said and done i am still very much in love with you.

a silent(vulgar) prayer.

i'm fucking angry. i have anger management issues. i want to break stuff. wait i want to break you. you fucking bitch.
i dont understand. maybe now i know, you are a fucking liar. and i trusted you, i believed in you swear i believed in you. you know you are a mother fucking coward. i didnt believe them when they said you told all your problems in school to your mother. you dont know how to solve your own fucking problems when you fucking caused them. whatever la. your mother is your fucking shield. protecting you all the time. when you fucking mother dies. you will die too. you're fucking reliant/dependent on your mother. you are a fucking liar. you dont deserve to have a mouth to talk. say things which aren't true. you do things which arent true either. i'm fucking irritated and agitated by you. stop being that fucking bitch that you are. maybe you would have more friends. you lie about saying how you daren't talk to me. fucking moron. it's not that you daren't, you dont even want to. i hate that maybe you could just tell me in my face. hey! wait you daren't. i'm gonna curse and swear right into your face in future. maybe i dare to maybe i dont.
i swear to you this is so different i mean what i say i really want to be with you i'll try my best to give everything you need to you. i'm really in love with you. it's fucking different. you know just the thought of you always brings my mood up. and just the thought of you just shatter my dreams and i get dropped back down to zero. i dont know how to put it but i really really want you by my side. even if i were given a chance to talk to you like for instance knowing how your day went or a simple hi. i'd give up so much just to be able to talk to you. or know that you know that i'm not just a mere virtual friend. i'm real you fucking bitch. and i'm real about loving you. you're the epitome of beautiful to me. i just wont/cant accept the fact that you are like that. i know you aren't like that. and i really am in love with you. maybe one day you would love me too.

i went archiving. maybe if you read thru it you may find something rather interesting.
i loved you since 15march.


oh yes. i am blog hopping and i see people with rather shoddy blogs. wahaha!. not that mine is very nice or anything. but its really rather shoddy.shucks. my bloghopping window just got closed.i wonder how long does it take for someone to reply a message? i dont think it will take longer than 5minutes? i've been waiting for hmmm.63minutes.yes. i feel bitchy. and school was a pain in an ass. for like a long time since i've got to sit thru the whole of schoool. anyway i feel studiuos. :)64minutes.

i had softball after school. which really i dread. but i still had to go. and i went and became a silly ass. we only started at 3.45? oh yes. before training. during lunch so fun! me and gwen and lynette keep talking and Small Gwen kept implying that Jaey is pretty. she's pretty but the mouth abit to big la. if not she would be VERY VERY pretty. haha!
67minutes

and during training. i suddenly had people flocking to be my eyecandy. the mentioning of JUST EYECANDY123456. drives everyone crazy i suppose.here are my eyecandies:

eyecandy123, Chermin(lulu bird):))

eyecandy1234, Small Gwen(my small bird):))

eyecandy12345, sheena eyecandy123456, zhiyun :)))

eyecandy123456.2, (i,selfappoint) tingxi. :)

eyecandy1234567, Candice(so thick skin, she asked if she could be 1234567. haha)

eyecandy12345678, Lynette(i,selfappoint) :)

OH YES! we got a our jersey already. it's fucking smelly. and its a button down. it's ugly. i dont like it and i have to wear slacks!!! NO!!!! its like wearing... hmmm... i dont know. but its tight at the woowoo. and sandy's like, it's supposed to be like that. I THINK NOT! all this slack wearing shit is making me anal retentive. wahaha!i wonder has sandy called coach Jerry for my slacks. i dont want to wear liane's. she's wearing her own.75minutes. :((

your disaster.

i know i shouldn't be dreaming or thinking of things that can never happen but i was just dreaming. i really want to be able to one day call you mine. i dream about you all night, i think about you all day, it feels so different when your near. it feels so distant when you dont care. i know it may seem as if i have been thru this phase with plenty of other girls. a few cliched words. it's really different, this time it's really different. i think about when we are in sec4 how life's gonna be, how stressful everything's gonna be you have your O's i have my N's. i know that we can never be together but i keep dreaming about you being mine. impossible is what they say i've gotten hints that we can never be together but i still think about you being mine and all it sucks to have so much to say to you, but i just cant say cos it's just not right; there's so much i want to tell you, so much i wanted to share. things i want to do with you, things that we can share. it seems so wrong but it seems so right. i want so much from someone i only know that much about but i swear this feelings i have for her are real. i sumpah are real. it isn't true love but it's great love and i cant seem to get over you. as in why cant i not like you. you are almost perfect, you're pretty you've got a nice body you are so intelligent and you are musically inclined. and to want you is so overboard. it's like one of the 7 dwarves trying to be a top male model. i feel like some fucked up abysmal wanna be trying to have Naima Mora. wait, that's out of point. maybe let me just summarize this.

i've been thinking bout you 24/7
and how you always made me cry.
i know for sure that you cant be mine.
but i just want you to know that to me you are perfect all the time.
and if one day i could call you mine,
you'd be my angel sent from up above.
and with that i promise you,
i'm not lying when i said i loved you
you are my angel
and girl i swear, it's just that simple.

but then again, you'd never be mine.
so i'll just sit my corner
and flick some old dimes
i'm just one fucked up bummer,
dreaming of you.